Friendships begin to Blur

I have come to realize that from moving around so often as I grew up - I have developed a survival method. This is called "When the Friendships begin to Blur". As I get ready to move, I often draw away from my loved ones, some times getting grouchy with them to ease it; and I search for new people to replace them so I feel nothing when I leave them completely. I have observed that if I can walk away before they have a chance to walk away from me...I feel as if I have prevented greater pain. The worry about being replaced or not missed, consumes my mind. So, I search for new people to fill the void. I noticed today as I laughed with the people here at training, I was begining the process. I found someone new that I look up to for advice, I found a new dorm mate to share my spontaneous ideas with, I found new kids that I think are so adorable, I found someone to work out with, and I found a new home to call my home. The minute I realized what I had done...I panicked. I don't want to walk away or forget my friends and loved ones. But it has happened so many times in the past and I have allowed it. I pray the Lord will keep my heart open to those I love so dearly. Help me to trust.

"And friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them. And a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. Though its hard to let you go, in the Father's hands we know, that a lifetimes not too long to live as friends." Michael W. Smith