I have always thought that loving children was like second nature to me. I am a huge push over when it comes to kids. And nine times out of ten, you can find me at the kids table rather than with the adults. Granted there are some pills every now and then but kids are normally pretty loveable…or so I thought. I know most parents who have had to put up with obnoxious children are laughing at my warped view of angelic children. I have since seen the error of that kind of thinking.
Out of the 40 babies/kids at the home, there are just 3-4 whom have managed to frustrate me to no end. They are around five years old and my jaw clenches at just the thought of how they behave. They will do anything for attention, including: hitting me, messing up my hair, tearing at my clothes or jewelry, pushing other children out of my lap to get in it, choking the little ones to see if I will re-act, crying or screaming, and anything they think of. They don’t understand English and I have no authority to discipline them.
Today, I sat feeding a three week old baby girl; and in my head, I began to list which kids I would adopt and which I wouldn’t. Never have I felt such shame as when I realized that I was saying that some were not worthy of love or adoption. How I was so quick to offer love to those who I felt were worthy and yet was ready to give up on the others.
I don’t know how Jesus does it, how He loves all of us who are so very unworthy. God doesn’t just adopt those who are cute and obedient – He loves the unlovable. Please pray that God will open my heart to love these four children with the same unconditional love that is lavished upon me. "Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the world. Red & yellow, black & white – they are precious in His sight."
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3 comments:
Katy-wow! What an awesome word from God. Sounds like the Holy Spirit is alive and well in FP. Got to love that conviction driving you to repentance and faith. I'm encouraged.
awww Katy, I totally feel for you! My 2 and 5 year old cousins have been staying with my family for the past couple weeks now. The 2 y/o girl makes me want to have children and the 5 y/o boy makes me not haha. Hang in there! Miss you!!
Don't think you aren't normal for having these feelings. Totally normal. Not how God does it, but totally typical for those of us living in this fallen world. So, so easy to love the lovable. So divine to love because each is made in God's image.
Thank you for sharing these tender things - it is an encouragement.
love,
Tara
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