Yesterday was my first day of utter homesickness. It didn’t help that I was exhausted from a very late night and a long day of work. Around 1630 I shut all my curtains, locked the doors, and huddled up on the floor with a stash of care package cookies (thank you Kathryn). I sat there in silence as the evening darkness wrapped around me like a heavy quilt. I didn’t rise to light the candles or make dinner; I just remained in a position of complete pitiful-ness. Finally I reached for an unopened card from a loved one and read, “I would totally throw myself on a bee for you.” I smiled and not thirty minutes later I got a phone call from one of my best friends.
But this small sliver of joy soon faded as the phone card cut us off, the batteries ran out on my cd player, the candles began to dwindle, and the dark silent night wore on. I turned on my computer which had 20 minutes of battery remaining to watch a slide show of my pictures from home. Not a smart idea when stubbornly stuck in the ditch of loneliness. I awoke and began to pray for a peace and happiness.
I was so intent on missing my loved ones back home that I was refusing to make room in my heart to love those around me. As if my heart was holding it’s breath till I got home. I was willing to love them but always with the distant thought that I will be saying goodbye to them in 6 months. My prayer now is that I will learn to love passionately, boldly, and without fear. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…”
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1 comment:
Hey babe,
I know just how you feel. I had those same feelings in Korea. It gets better and as long as you remember why you are there all will be good. We got your post card and loved it!! Outside markets are the best. That was one thing I loved so much about Korea. Know that we love and miss you. Cass
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