My heart feels so weary, my emotions so raw, I want to walk away from this pain, this heart ache. Not just walk away – run, run as fast as I can. And yet, I draw closer and embrace it.
No no no no no God not this baby, not this one. I loved this one so much. WHY?! If I could have just had one more day to hold, hug, kiss, love him!
I take comfort in knowing that he is with you in a much better place but oh God why did you have to take him so soon? It hurts so much that tears fail to fall, as if they are trapped in the moment of a silent scream. Tremors shake my body as if an earthquake is mocking my pain and weakness.
Not this one, not this baby that I allowed myself to love so utterly. A cast away that won my heart the first time I laid eyes on him. The baby that I day dreamed of adopting and making my own. The baby named Innocent because he was found on the street abandoned. Innocent of all the hate in the world.
I don’t know how to survive this. TIME stop ticking – stop your endless ticking!! My spirit has not healed yet, I need more time before opening myself up to love again.
My heart is screaming and my throat aches to wail, but I just lean down and pick up one of the many other babies crying to be loved.
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5 comments:
What a raw emotional post. I wish I was there to hug YOU. You must be so strong.
Dear Kate,
I to had imagined taking Innocence home on the plane. Thank you for loving him, holding him, caring for him. Remember his beautiful smile, he is still smiling at you from heaven.
I love you. Mom
Hey baby sister,
know I love you so much. My heart reaches out to you and the lose of Innocent. Remember you will see Him again in heaven.
love you,
cass
My darling Katy,
Rest easy in the knowledge that Innocent was loved by you for the short time he was here. Had it not been for you, there may not have been any love for him.
Love you.
GM Suzy
Katy,
My heart cries out for you and for sweet Innocent. You are in my prayers. I thank God that He used you to love that sweet little babe who didn't have a natural family to love him.
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